Of Cancellations and Christmas

I don't really know how I feel about the cancellation of my BKK trip. I could do with a break, but on the other hand I don't really need it so soon. I could do with a quarterly workshop, but on the other hand missing it isn't the end of the world.

Everything's official now. I've cancelled my hotel bookings, only a matter of time before I cancel the flights. Received notification on crediting workshop fees from Les Mills Asia Pacific. Shall wait till next year. KL doesn't interest me that much.

On the latter subject in the title, you would probably think I'm writing something exciting about Xmas and totally looking forward to it. You may be awfully wrong. If you're really pro-Xmas, I suggest you stop reading any further right now.

I've always regarded Xmas as just a normal day. It has never ever had any significance to me, perhaps I'm not a Christian, I don't understand it and thus I don't celebrate. To me, it's just a public holiday where I don't have to turn up for work.

I remember one year when I watched a Xmas eve concert, stayed over, went church on Xmas day, and then left for home feeling very empty and totally conflicted inside. I'm not a religious person and that was a personal concession which I doubt would be accorded in this lifetime ever again.

For the past 2 years, I've conducted classes on Xmas day and then went off straight after that. 2006 was STC and 2007 was 2hr at PPW. I remember because I record every single class I conduct. In fact, I can even tell you what tracks I played. It's because I record every single class I conduct. All 453 of them to date. Memories are most precious to the crabs so I've been dutifully jotting down every single detail without fail. Unfortunately, this year, I am not conducting class on Xmas.

I feel Xmas is over-commercialised. Why wait until a day in the year when you let someone know that they're in your thoughts? We can do that any day. I never liked receiving gifts because I hate owing favours to others and receiving gifts feels like that. I also don't like being expected to produce a gift just because it's Xmas. Not getting a present for someone doesn't mean they're less important or they're not regarded as friends. Everyone has a different yardstick and that's just mine.

As for helping the economy in recession, I believe I do more than my fair share. Just look at my spending. I've no qualms buying anyone a meal but I would seriously LOVE to avoid the shopping crowd. I hate scratching my head to think of something appropriate to buy for someone.

I'd rather remember dates with more relevance - for instance Jul 1 or Oct 28 or any other date that has meaning to me. Dates that carry memories.

Ironically, as I'm writing all these, I've just accepted a Xmas party invitation at a colleague's place. I accepted because I really like these colleagues of mine. Parties are fine once in a while but I do prefer the one to one personal touch. And sometimes I'm quite fearful of my own mood swings which can just change instantly, especially at parties where there's many people.

So there you have it, I don't know why I'm writing all these, but I guess I just want to tell a particular reader that I'm not compromising, not because I don't regard the person as insignificant, but doing that means it will be very contrived and it won't be the real ZJ. The real ZJ hates being diplomatic like the Libran.

Would you rather have a WYSIWYG ZJ? Or a ZJ who flatters to deceive?

*WYSIWYG - What you see is what you get