Introspection

Today wasn't a particularly enjoyable day. Mentally drained from training, I opted to go Cali Orchard for 630pm BC class instead of going to any of the PF outlets. I just wanted to go somewhere where nobody knows me and I can just do my thing in peace as I wasn't in the mood to entertain anyone.

Some comments about the class. The crowd is vociferous and the atmosphere was good. The crowd didn't even need prompting before they started their holler. But somehow I didn't enjoy the class that much. Nothing with the instructor, he did a good job, but I was deprived of kicking space, I felt disinterested and the hour seemed really long.

The thing about making the transition to become an instructor is that it has taken away a lot of the fun from the original workout I love so much. Now I can have the entire space to myself, I get to do on carpet, I can choose my tracklist, and the workout is so much more intense with all the shouting I have to do... and it dilutes the ordinary experience.

I bumped into my ex-boss in the gym and had dinner with him. Basically updated each other with what's happening now. He asked me if I was still conducting classes. I hesitated on my reply in view of the impending changes, and he probed if I was shuttling between work, gym and home.

The answer was yes, but I didn't reveal that it would soon be work and home.

At that split second, I felt a little depressed. I felt that I had probably put in too much effort and time for a potential lost cause. It may be a job, a source of income to some people but for me, it was my passion, my interest and my escape from reality.

I was thinking to myself... what if I had given this all up in Jun 07? Would I be much happier now?

Just before we left, my ex-boss intimated a meeting with another ex-colleague to catch up. I was quick to reply, "I think I will be very busy with work."

He looked at me, and smiled. "You haven't changed at all."

It was short, sharp and succinct. I guess I really haven't changed at all. At least not on the inside.

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."